


Harry potter and the existential crisis

by nobody_look_at_me



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure, Crack, Existential Crisis, Gangsters, Harry is losing it a bit, Humor, Mystery, That's why we all love Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28862832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobody_look_at_me/pseuds/nobody_look_at_me
Summary: Harry has a secret superpower that no one seems to notice- he makes people...disappear?!?! Can Harry use his super brains to solve this mystery before he is the only person left in existence?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. The other Dumbledore

Harry Potter made people disappear. He did not know how he did this, but for the past year, people Harry was sure were real living people have started disappearing without a trace. Stranger still, everyone around him seemed not to notice, or indeed have any memory of the people that lived amongst them only days previously.

It started a year ago today. Harry had entered the great hall for the start of term feast with the other third years. They were greeted by an elderly bearded man with long silver robes and half moon spectacles. The man stood where Dumbledore had stood. He made the speech Dumbledore should make.

“What happened to Dumbledore?” Harry nudged Ron as the feast magically appeared in front of them.

“Dunno” Ron splattered puff pastry as he spoke, “he went a bit dark with the speech this year, must be all this Mass-murderer-on-the-loose stuff” 

“Are you blind, Ron? Or are you just in the first stages of a food coma? THAT...” Harry pointed to the man chatting animatedly in the headmasters chair “ISN’T DUMBLEDORE”

“Ugh... I dunno mate, reckon you need sleep”

...

Strange things happened around Harry. His uncle often pronounced Harry to be “very disturbed”, and although Vernon never did get that medical degree, Harry started to think his uncle may be right. People came and went in Hogwarts, but Harry had to wonder where they went... aside from the four boys in his dorm room in the Griffindor tower, Harry concluded that no other students in his house ever slept. As far as he could tell, theirs was the only dorm room in the whole gryffindor house. When he raised this with Ron however, he was met with vague confusion before Ron promptly changed the subject. He was getting this a lot lately. Any time he would raise his concerns with people, they would distract, dismiss or just plain ignore him. Maybe he was just being a draco. Maybe he needed to lighten up.


	2. The plot...thickens...

Harry noticed there was one person left still packing their potions ingredients up. He liked lavender, she had been nice to him on the train and he thought maybe she would have some answers. 

“Ever notice anything odd about Dumbledore?” He asked as he helped her mop up the frogspawn splattered over her workbench.

“Oh all the time” she smiled as she tied her thick black hair out of her face.

“No, i mean...” Harry glanced around, checking Snape had gone, “doesn’t he look a bit...well...different?”

Lavender blinked at him, and then happily chirped “oh yes, that’s what happens to everyone who doesn’t fit their role properly! That’s why the old-“ she stopped mid sentence and looked behind her at something he couldn’t see. Her hands fumbled with her bag as a vague panic flashed over her face for a second. But it disappeared so fast Harry wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it.

“Their...role...? ...Who’s role? What do you mean?”

Lavender didn’t seem to hear what Harry had said. She was still looking behind her at nothing in particular

“I don’t know what to say to him!” The panic that he had seen on her face was now rising in her voice. Harry got the distinct impression that she was talking to someone else. He followed her eyes to the spot they kept returning to, but they were completely alone in the deserted classroom. 

“Who are you looking at?” He questioned. But her eyes which seemed to not see him were rapidly filling with tears.

“I...I didn’t say....I just...see you Harry” she fled, abandoning her stuff and fumbled with the door knob, but not before a sob escaped her lips.

Lavender brown was never seen again.

~~~~~~~

For the first few weeks, Harry had carted around her cauldron, book bag and empty jar of frogspawn, in the hopes of reuniting them with their owner. His optimism dwindled however when nobody seemed to have heard of a Lavender Brown ever attending Hogwarts.


	3. The dark knight has an existential crisis

This school is diseased. Students are scattered. Chaos reigns. I am the hero this school needs. I move in the darkness, a silent protector in these halls of despair. Crime rages. Students form gangs in the halls. Without any direction they turn to lives of crime, stabbin’ and killin’. Something is wrong. Hogwarts is dying but I can’t save her.

“Harry, what the fuck are you talking about? And what happened to your voice?” Ginny was looking amused and slightly concerned.

Harry had been doing his Batman voice out loud again. He had to stop that. But the angst was bursting out of him.

Perhaps he had imagined the people who disappeared...can you...hallucinate a whole person...? Madam Pomfrey didn’t appreciate him wasting her time with complaints of “seeing students” around the castle, and seemed to think he was being a joker. But Harry wasn’t a joker. He was Batman.

It was time for the weekly meeting of Harry’s gang- the Gryffs. There was Nevvo their ring leader, Ginger thunder, Dangerous Dean, Colin the careful, Irish Coffee, The Chosen one, and Jean the Bean. The Gryffs had been in a century long blood war with their arch enemies the Slyvz. Detentions had been served on both sides, and countless students had died for the cause-determining which gang was cooler. The group were in a circle in the common room, none of them meeting Harry’s eyes. “Whatsup?” Harry broke the silence, “Nevvo, Jean the Bean, what’re we meeting about?”  
One or two awkward glances were exchanged until Jean the bean finally spoke up- “Harry...I...we all care about you very much...well...its just-”  
“You’re a loose cannon Harry! Yeah sure, the Gryffs have always been crazy, but you are C R A Z Y! Like you need help man, seriously, running around with that cloak and the mask like you’re Batman’s floating head- WE CAN ALL SEE YOUR HEAD!!! And do you realise you are talking to yourself OUTLOUD?!?!? The Gryffs can’t be associated with that anymore man, this is the end of the line”  
“But Nevvo…”  
“We took a vote” Dangerous Dean interjected “I’m sorry Harry, you’re out”  
“But I’m the chosen one…”  
"Not by us, not anymore..."  
Even Ginger thunder had turned on him. This was indeed the darkest day.


	4. Behind the scenes

Over the past few weeks, he had the creeping sensation that someone was watching him...maybe he was getting paranoid. Harry had taken to avoiding people when he could. After all, he made people disappear. 

“Keep it together, you’re not losing it! Happythoughtshappythoughtshappythoughts”

He turned down another corridor on his walk and came to a door. He went to open it, but the knob was....painted on. In fact, the whole door was just a painting. Now that he looked around, the whole corridor seemed... plain...the windows were black plastic and the floor was carpet rather than the old stone that paved most halls. There were also black cables tracking along the floor. He started to follow the mystery wires when hermione came pelting around the corner.

“Harry! You shouldn’t be here!!!! How did you get this far? Ron was supposed to be doing his bit... well it doesn’t matter, we need to go, NOW!”

She grabbed his elbow and jerked him away from the strange corridor. He tried to ask her about the wires- aren’t electrical objects not supposed to work in the castle? But she maintained that she had no idea what he was talking about, was he sure he hadn’t imagined the wires? And she began telling him about her latest history of magic essay. Harry got the distinct impression that she was trying to change the subject. He never found the painted door again, or the wires, or the corridor. 

For a while Harry had attempted to channel his secret superpower, donning a black mask and his cloak (which negated the mask, but Harry was too stupid to realise this). Snape had not appreciated being trailed by the teen, who was not nearly as stealthy as he tried to be, and when Snape continued to exist for the fourth consecutive day of stalking, Harry gave up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!!!!! Okay so this is all over the place... but I'm not going to stop! I have had this idea since watching the Truman show and no one can convince me this is not canon. Please leave me comments it will make me so happy! Also I will put any pairing in this that anyone asks for in the comments- Crabbe and Dumbledore, Winky the house elf and Madame Rosmerta, Hagrid and the Whomping Willow, let me know and I will find a way to fit them in. I love everyone who is still reading HP fanfiction in 2021, especially this wacky babbling garbage- you are my people!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever! Inspired by my favourite podcast -fanatical fics and where to find them! Listen if you want to laugh out load when walking down the street alone (for an actual reason this time)


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